i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
