so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
