I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
