i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
