She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
