were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
