WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
