i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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