before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
