I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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