Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
