I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
