you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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