I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
