Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
