I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
