TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
