I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
