Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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