So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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