Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
