Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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