I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
