Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
