This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
