barbara walters just said penis...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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