we're chasing vodka with high fives
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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