I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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