New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
