did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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