I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
