Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
