and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
