i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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