I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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