so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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