Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
