Screwed.edu
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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