so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
as a side note pls kill me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
