I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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