In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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