Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
