So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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