You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
