I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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