Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
