forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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