Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so explain again why im purple
no
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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