are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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