You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
