I heard we made out
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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