I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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