I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
