I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal