I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.