I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016