i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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