Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
