Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
