Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
