ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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