So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
