No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
