I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
